this is a very bi-polar blog. i'm usually one to joke and be goofy, but be aware, there are times when an unusually heavy entry will find itself here. you were warned.

Friday, May 05, 2006

pop tart directions?!?!?!

ok, WTF?! do we really need directions for pop tarts? get this shit, right off the box, no kidding:

While Kellog's Pop Tarts are fully baked and ready to eat right from the pouch, if you prefer them warmed, please follow these instructions:

Be sure your appliance is clean and functioning properly.

WHAT? nah, i'm gonna put my pop tart in a broken, nasty ass toaster.

Toasting Instructions:
1. Remove pastry from pouch.

OK, that just pisses me off.

Microwave Instructions:
2. Microwave on high setting for 3 seconds.

THREE SECONDS?!?! THREE FRIGGEN SECONDS?!?!?! need i say more?
and this last part explains why anything more than THREE SECONDS is life threatening...

If Pastry is overheated, frosting/filling can become extremely hot and could cause burns.

no shit? something overheated can burn you? and why do they insist on capitalizing pastry? it's just a damn pop tart. and the last thing that pisses me off? you know how 2 pop tarts come in a wrapper? check this out:

Serving Size - 1 Pastry

i feel a letter to kellogg's coming on...


At 11:26 PM, Blogger morgan said...

You are so right! I never read the directions (for obvious reasons, as you point out). I can see all the ridiculous "hot pastry" disclaimers as a legal thing -- but two servings in one pouch? So wrong.

At 8:11 PM, Blogger Dreamnfleet said...

Hey haven't been here in a while. How are you doing?

Pop tarts is as bad as directions on a shampoo bottle.

At 2:23 AM, Anonymous McKillaG. said...

Well then again, there are people from other countries that dont know you need to remove it from the package, maybe they've never seen one. The reason they have stupid instructions is from getting sued for putting their pop tart in the microwave with the rapper on then probably burning their house and things that to us seem silly but other people who would never know.

At 9:28 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes people from other countries having never scene a poptart might mistakenly eat the shiny metalic coating before getting to wholesome goodness inside. Absolutely this is possible. Two provisions. 1 They recently suffered a major head injury. 2 They cannot read nor understand directions. In either case, directions are useless.

At 6:38 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

As said by Brian Regan, if there's directions on the box, it should be as follows:

STEP 1: Toast the Pop-Tarts. Go ahead, toast them. It's okay. Hey, are you still reading this?

At 4:15 AM, Blogger Pandamonium said...

The directions are presented simply because the only people that would actually use them are people that are looking for directions on how to make a pop-tart in the first place. If it's not immediately obvious how to make them, then they'll obviously need it spelled out for them.


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